I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
