There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
