JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
