the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
