Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
