well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
