What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
