I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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