Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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