i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
