Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
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