I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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