Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
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