i wish starbucks made bloody marys
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
