i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
