Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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