Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
