we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
