im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
