nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
