Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
