I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
