saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
