my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
