YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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