glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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