I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
It's like God shit irony all over that family
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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