I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
