Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
