my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
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