I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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