Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
