My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
