Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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