tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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