Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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