shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
