Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
