I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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