im drinking this country out of the recession.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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