Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
