dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
This is classic penis vs brain.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
