Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
