If i could tip my vagina, i would.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
