i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
