how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
