I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
