did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
