Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
