There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
