omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
false alarm. still invincible.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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