i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
