home. puking in laundry basket.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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