while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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