I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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