FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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