No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
