if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Holy shit dude........stairs
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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