Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
