hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
