We named our party play list daddy issues
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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