Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
