Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
This toilet bowl is my home.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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