I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
