I'm going to jail i love you
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
