Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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